I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
