i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
