I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
