so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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