Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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