I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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