I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
