dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
