and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
