Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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