Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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