Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
