just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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