I cockslap morals
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
