Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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