so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dick very happy bro
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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