I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
