He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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