Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
