Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
