I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
