Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
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