Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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