she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
only you would photoshop your dick
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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