Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
