Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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