Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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