Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
