Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
