youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My cat gives me a boner
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
