she woke up with a sticky ear
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
