You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
