I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
