Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
