Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just pee around me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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