Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
