I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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