Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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