i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize