so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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