come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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