i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
