I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
