I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
