Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
