you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
