I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
