the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
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We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
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It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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