okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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