HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
well you can't waste a boner
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
