Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
