420 ftw
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
