If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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