What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The air was thick with penises
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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