No, drunk sperm still make babies.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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