Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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