i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
