she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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