She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
