Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
